you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
