I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
