I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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