the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
