if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
