I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
