I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
