You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
