i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
