Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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