You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
