Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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