Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
