I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
