Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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