you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
