Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
