dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
