forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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