i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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