So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Michael Bay diarrhea
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
