dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
