just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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