Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
