As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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