foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
