I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
