I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
