so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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