What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
