Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
