How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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