I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
