I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
