Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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