also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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