All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
