we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
