i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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