I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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