i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
