Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
