Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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