Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
