I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
