i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
