The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
