Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
