We won't sleep together?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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