My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
