i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
