Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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