remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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